I had such a thoughtful conversation with my 19-year-old son recently – about really seeing and hearing each other as human beings, worthy of uniquely full lives and flourishing dreams, and deserving of respect.
He is my introverted, yet self-confident “thinker” who uses words sparingly. So, whenever he launches into conversation with me, I listen – to hear what’s on his heart and mind, and to learn more about what he values and how he’s navigating life. It’s amazing to witness the man he is becoming and to learn from him as he grows.
When we, the teachers, are also open to being students, we stretch beyond our comfort zones, lean into unconsidered truths, and perhaps come out on the other side wiser for the journey.
Which do you prefer – flattering words that charm you or insight that informs and refines you?
Which do you believe will make for a better you, and as a result, a better world?
Perhaps this next generation has answers for us to consider. We’re never too old to evolve and appreciate the process.
For every opportunity there is to complain, hold a grudge, or judge without knowing the whole story, there is an equal opportunity to let go, adapt and expand.
Embrace experiences that strengthen your wisdom and empathy, and help you grow in grace, joy and hope.
You are the best possible person to be you – no need to imitate or compare yourself to others. Be grateful to be alive and able to try your best another day.
There has always been a light within you. Now’s the time to really let it shine.
Shine where you are.
Shine as you are.
Shine because you are.
Whatever mistakes or flaws you’ve obsessed over, today let them be. Celebrate them for helping shape you into you. Allow them to help you grow stronger, wiser, more resilient, more insightful.
Choose to truly see yourself and love yourself, so that you can authentically lavish the gift of that grace on others.
Where to start and how to start?
By looking within and acknowledging the flicker that is your passion and your purpose. By embracing it and not looking back. So that as your light grows stronger and more vibrant, everyone you encounter will have a chance to slowly, and surely, react in kind, in their own unique ways.
Regardless of whether you get to see or experience the impact of your steady light, trust that its existence is not for naught, and that every place and every person touched by your words, actions and being have caught and carried some of that shine. – Stacy Hawkins Adams
Don’t let any of the negativity, confusion, pettiness or hate that happen to be filling your TV or social media screens, the radio airwaves, or perhaps some of your personal interactions, rattle you.
You just keep being you.
Operate from a place of self-confidence and peace and embrace the centered joy that comes from bringing your best self to every situation and sidestepping all else.
I’m honored this week to be a featured guest on Earrings Off!, a podcast focused on the journeys of women and men of color and how we are navigating this world with hope, authenticity, daring and candor.
Thank you to Earrings Off hosts Lou Ali and Teresa Vaughan for featuring me in Episode 35! I share how my love of writing developed as a young child and has been nurtured throughout my life by family, friends, mentors and readers.
Listen and be inspired to chart your own course from dreamer to doer, whether you’re a writer or passionate about some other endeavor.
Whatever your gift or talent is, you’re meant to share it with those in the world around you, so that in their joy of experiencing you, you too are rewarded.
I learned of Juneteenth when I was 21, during a summer internship in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A young black couple that befriended me took me to my first-ever Juneteenth celebration and opened my eyes to why it was significant.
I wondered then why I’d never heard of it, and it’s a reminder today of the truth that many of us “don’t know what we don’t know.”
Today is an excellent day to spend some extra time seeking information through Google or your favorite search engine; to buy some ebooks, audiobooks or print books that detail the rich history of African American dreamers and doers; to watch some of the documentaries that add context and revelation to the pandemic that is known as racial injustice, such as 13th or the classic Eyes on the Prize or others you discover through your own research.
Juneteenth is “a thing” because it took forever for freed slaves in part of these United States to learn that they’d been free for a while, yet were still treated and viewed as someone’s property.
Today, let’s loose shackles of every kind by pushing ourselves – whoever we are and whatever we look like – to learn something new, do something different, and become better and wiser comrades on this journey called life.
My drive this past Saturday through downtown Richmond, Virginia, my longtime city of residence, was a reflective one – from thinking about the slave ships that docked here by the multitudes hundreds of years ago to seeing businesses on Broad Street and in Carytown boarded up due to recent protests to witnessing the peaceful gathering at the Arthur Ashe statue, and just a few miles away, the moving tributes to George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and so many others at the base of the statue of Condeferate General Robert E. Lee, which is coming down.
I hope to always remember this juxtaposition of history, heartbreak and solemn efforts to heal, but not have to live through again what has brought us to this point.
The marathon to snuff out hate and brutality while building bridges of understanding and solidarity is just beginning (with generations of previous work serving as the foundation).
None of us who cares can let our weariness win or give up mid-race; for our basic humanity is at stake, and our children (many of whom are in the trenches and leading the way) are watching and counting on us. We must continue to #saytheirnames. We must find a way to #risetogether.
Coaches for Change peaceful protest and march at the Arthur Ashe statue on Monument Avenue in Richmond, Virginia. – Saturday, June 6, 2020
Statue of Confederate General Robert E. Lee on Monument Avenue in Richmond, Virginia. The Governor declared during a week of protests in early June 2020 that the statue would soon be removed. In the meantime, it became the site of a memorial to George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and other unarmed black Americans who have been killed by police and others in the past decade.
The Monument Memorial at the base of the Lee statue in Richmond, Virginia. – June 6, 2020
Do something today that reminds you of life’s goodness.
Dance like no one’s watching.
Perform a random act of kindness.
Tell those you care about how much you love them.
Laugh with others and at yourself.
Spend time embracing what makes you smile.
Say yes to one or two baby steps that move you closer to the vision in your heart.
Don’t have a vision? Say yes, then, to discovering what one could be, by spending more time with your thoughts and treasuring yourself for being the gem you are.
As Michelle Obama declares in her Becoming documentary on Netflix, there’s no “going back” to what our lives were yesterday. Our task – and opportunity – is to create a meaningful (and exciting) next chapter that allows us to evolve, impact others and enjoy ourselves along the way.
My husband and I have three boys. They are ‘all boy’ as the saying goes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They call each other “brothers of another mother.” They’re adopted, you see.
As a young married woman 20-plus years ago, adoption was the furthest thing from my mind. Both my husband and I were in school full time, working like Hebrew slaves on advanced engineering degrees. Between the two of us, we made $18,000 a year in stipends. Can you say “poor house?” I thank God for those years (and for that small vegetable patch). Those lean times taught me how to wait on God.
Growing up in the swamp lands of North Carolina, I played with trucks and climbed trees. Doll babies and tea sets were never on my gift wish list. After a few years of marriage, that changed. It happened one sunny afternoon while I babysat for a college friend. That precious little toddler stole my heart, with her sparkling brown eyes and chubby hands. When her mother picked her up two hours later, our one-bedroom apartment never felt so empty.
Knowing how much money my husband and I had (or rather, didn’t have) between us, I knew that having a child while we were both in school was not wise. So we maintained our ‘family plan’ (kids after college) and I clipped baby pictures from magazines, secretly claiming them as my own.
I soon graduated and tried to replace the yearning with a full-time job, community volunteering, church involvement and writing. But the emptiness persisted.
My husband was still in grad school, but he agreed that it was time to start a family. That was 1995; I was 29. One and a half years later and no baby, I hit a wall. I started each day in tears, crying in the darkness of my walk-in closet before work. The crying lasted for most of 1997.
On the outside I was doing good things in my church and community. I was a faithful wife. I was a productive engineer, managing a $2 million grant program for the state.
On the inside, I was dying. Longing for a child.
At one point, someone at church suggested that we consider adoption. I was tired of all the doctor’s visits, the fertility treatments, basal thermometers and all of the prayers to God. I wanted relief. I wanted to feel good again, to feel God again. Adoption seemed like an appealing option.
We did our research. We talked with counselors and social workers. We talked with our friends and parents. We prayed and fasted. We had so many questions about the process, the costs, and especially the kids. What if they’re not black like us, what if they’re developmentally challenged, what if they’re violent?
God answered all of those questions with peace. As Psalm 34:4 says: I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
As I internalized that scripture, I realized it didn’t matter what the child He gave us looked like or acted like. What God had for us, was for us. I had peace with His plan.
Adopting was not easy. In fact, in the beginning it was like pulling a scab from a wound I thought had healed. But today, I have three boys through three separate adoptions.
Not three rejects or three unwanted children. I have three sons.
Some people call them someone else’s children. I call them mine.
Linda Leigh Hargrove blends suspense, humor, and faith into compelling stories about race and class in America. Her 10 works of fiction include three novels, as well as several novellas and short stories. Linda has taught workshops on fiction writing to adults and teens. She is a native of Washington County, North Carolina and currently resides near Charlotte with her husband and three sons. Connect with Linda on the following social media platforms: Linda’s website, Linda’s Facebook page and Linda’s Instagram feed.
I started some early spring cleaning yesterday evening and look what I found??
A whole box full of custom-designed commas that I had specially made about 15 years ago, by the woodworker-husband of my dear friend, editor and late colleague Mary Goodwyn.
Rediscovering these treasures reminded me of Mary’s radiant smile and matching heart, and also of the reason I had them created: To distribute to every audience member when I gave speeches far and wide about the power of faith, focus and hope, as a tangible reminder to never put a period where our Divine Creator may have simply put a comma.
Seems like now more than ever is a good time to hold onto this belief.
So if you’re inclined, save one of these pics on your phone or desktop and reassure yourself when you view it that we are in a global “comma season” right now.
While we pause, retreat, watch, wait and pray, may we also use this time to rest, reflect, reset, renew and refocus, so that when we come out on the other side, our stories will have some meaningful and amazing comma moments in between.
Still Unfolding with Stacy Hawkins Adams 