Three years ago around this time, someone I cared for deeply entered hospice and a weeklong end-of-life process that was dignity-rendering, yet leaking with sadness.
I stood the course with my beloved older brother on his journey toward death, knowing that he would want no pity, and if possible, he would have been spitting wisecracks at every turn, while declaring that life is to be enjoyed and celebrated.
With that in mind, as we race toward Christmas, or celebrate Hanukkah or countdown to the New Year, I share this wisdom borne from losing someone dear (in particular during the holidays) to remind us that one of the best ways to honor our loved ones is to keep on living, and to do so with intentional joy and hopefulness.
Here are a few ways that I’ve personally leaned into:
Love on yourself more, just because.
Tell others what they mean to you while you can (I have and I regularly do).
Cry when you feel like it.
Laugh every chance you get.
Forget about yesterday’s grudges.
Love those who love you back.
Be kind to those whose rudeness often means they need more kindness.
Challenge yourself to leave everyone better than you found them – with what you say and what you don’t; by how you share and where you set boundaries; and by giving with no expectation of reciprocity.
Let your heart break. The only way through grief is through.
Say Thank You – for everything.
Because every breath you take, every day you get to experience, and every person who crosses your path is in some way a gift.
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A friend invited me to dinner on Juneteenth a few weeks ago, and when I crossed her threshold, she placed a book in my hand that touched my heart.
The title alone – Grief is Love – met me in the season I’m currently walking through and made me smile with gratitude. I share this book with you today, because while my losses are fresh and still sitting with me as I carve out a new normal, I know that I’m not alone on this challenging yet sacred journey.
Having lost my two eldest siblings in less than two years, and both around significant seasons, has led me into a season of giving myself extra grace.
Some of you may recall that my only brother passed away a few days before Christmas in December 2022. My eldest sister graduated to Heaven less than 90 days ago, three days after my daughter’s wedding, while still in town for the festivities.
And while my ache from the passing of my sister Pat eight years ago is no longer fresh, as my first sibling to enter Heaven, she’s also top of mind these days. I am the youngest of five, with one living sibling to physically cherish.
Many of you are freshly grieving the death of someone you love, too, or soothing your heart after being triggered into revisiting a not-so-new loss.
Either way, I’m here to gently remind you – as I daily remind myself – that it is okay to have our moments of teary reflection and to be tender with ourselves.
If you’re a person of faith like me, you can remind yourself that even Jesus wept upon his beloved friend Lazarus’ death – and He knew he could (and would) raise Lazarus from the dead.
If you are seeking other ways to process your loss, there are multiple resources available to you, from books like this one, to grief coaches and professional therapists to music and meditation. Follow your heart as you find your way.
My season of abundant self-care and self-reflection has required me to be patient with me.
I still owe some beloved friends thank you notes for the beautiful ways you reached out to me in April, right after my most recent loss. Forgive my faux pas and know that I am truly grateful.
Nature is my friend, and my quiet walks with God and myself have given me strength.
The friends and family who have allowed me to bend your ears, and who still hold space for my tears, without judgment, are my personal national treasures. Your gifts of presence are acts of healing.
And of course, I am writing and praying my way forward. Sometimes for me, the two are intertwined; and as I often tell the writers I mentor, the gems you pour into your journal will surprise you in the ways they serve you. Write and go with the flow.
As Marisa Renee Lee, the author of “Grief is Love” writes: The foundation of a full life after loss is love. It is choosing to continue to love your person in present tense. It is moving forward with life, bringing them with you.”
As we move forward, may we all do so in ways that we know would make our specific person – or people – proud. Perhaps because of what we’re doing, but most importantly, because of who we are still becoming.
As we settle into a new year, it’s a great time to reflect on the good of the year that has passed and assess how we have grown or blossomed. With this in mind, I invite you to spend a few moments with me, reflecting on some of the adventures, laughter, and unexpected twists that made my 2023 an extraordinary year of firsts. My journey unfolded with intention, leading to experiences that filled my heart with joy and my soul with a sense of discovery. As you read about my special firsts, consider what brought you hope last year and which of those pluses you may want to incorporate into your future.
I Signed Up for Laughter Yoga.
The journey began with laughter—pure, unbridled, snorting laughter in the form of Laughter Yoga at The Innerwork Center in Richmond, Virginia. Imagine this: a group of four, a cozy yoga studio, and the fusion of laughter and focused movement. We warmed up with simple exercises, gradually easing into a session of laughter charades that left us in stitches. It was silly, it was rewarding, and it set the tone for many more adventures to be had. The power of laughter, combined with the serenity of yoga, created an experience that reached beyond what I could have ever imagined.
I surrendered to an impromptu adventure.
Life has a way of lobbing surprises, as was evident on a planned day trip from Richmond to New York City, to experience Tea Around Town on a converted double-decker bus turned elegant tea room. The flight that my friends and I were scheduled to take was canceled minutes before boarding time. Now what? Pivot. After an impromptu photo shoot in the airport, we shifted our plans westward — to Charlottesville, Virginia.
Blog post author Lynn Lewis is center, wearing hat.
This detour led us to Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyard, a picturesque winery nestled in the heart of Virginia. The day unfolded with a decadent lunch, a perfect blend of nature, good company, and the delightful exploration of local treasures in downtown Charlottesville. It was a subtle and welcoming reminder that sometimes, the unplanned detours lead to the most memorable adventures.
I enjoyed a Girls’ Weekend that Turned Out to Be a Lesson in Perfect Timing.
How often do we find ourselves waiting for the “right time” to do something we’ve always wanted to do? For me, it was hosting a few of my closest friends for Girls’ Weekend 2023. Some of them knew of each other, but they had never met in person. I had wanted to make that happen for longer than I can remember. The realization struck—what was I waiting for? The right time was now. No lavish resort, just my humble abode, transformed into a haven of laughter, stories and indelible shared moments. Five of the seven invitees showed up, and what unfolded was a perfect blend of friendship, games and heartfelt conversations. Sometimes the most meaningful experiences happen in the comfort of our own spaces.
Now It’s Your Turn — Here’s Your Invitation to Intentional Living!
What have you been putting off? What dreams and adventures have you deferred for the elusive “right time?” What is it that you’ve been yearning to do? As I reflect on my year of firsts, I encourage you to embrace the unknown and step into the uncharted territories of your desires. Seek out new experiences, savor the joy of the unexpected, and create a tapestry of memories that can help define your journey.
The joy I found in my new experiences has led me to a decision—to make a lifestyle of enjoying firsts. Share your stories, your dreams and your moments of joy. Let’s inspire each other to embrace a life filled with firsts and make 2024 a year of intentional living, where every day brings new opportunities for joy, growth and connection. Here’s to the adventures that await and the stories yet to be written.
Lynn Lewis is a Virginia-based grief coach, survivor of suicide loss, speaker and author. Learn more about her services at DestinedToThriveGriefCoaching.com and follow her on Instagram at @griefcoachlynn.
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I posted the message below eight years ago today, right after my sister Pat’s passing.
As I head into my late mother’s birthday tomorrow, and the 1st anniversary of my brother’s Dec. 20 passing,
and hold in my heart friends and loved ones who are grappling with loss during the holidays, I find it important to share these words again-
to remind you that grief is a necessary part of life and to love yourself through it.
Please read on, then doing something kind for yourself today.
I’m completing some writing projects this morning,
getting a massage this afternoon, and
spending time with friends this evening.
Sending a virtual hug to all who need it and encouraging you to cherish good memories.
Inspired by this Life Untapped blog post? Please subscribe to receive more of Stacy’s occasional musings – and share the link to this post with others in your circle.
Still Unfolding with Stacy Hawkins Adams 