Tag: black bloggers

Why Grief is Love

A friend invited me to dinner on Juneteenth a few weeks ago, and when I crossed her threshold, she placed a book in my hand that touched my heart.

The title alone – Grief is Love – met me in the season I’m currently walking through and made me smile with gratitude. I share this book with you today, because while my losses are fresh and still sitting with me as I carve out a new normal, I know that I’m not alone on this challenging yet sacred journey.

Having lost my two eldest siblings in less than two years, and both around significant seasons, has led me into a season of giving myself extra grace.

Some of you may recall that my only brother passed away a few days before Christmas in December 2022. My eldest sister graduated to Heaven less than 90 days ago, three days after my daughter’s wedding, while still in town for the festivities.

And while my ache from the passing of my sister Pat eight years ago is no longer fresh, as my first sibling to enter Heaven, she’s also top of mind these days. I am the youngest of five, with one living sibling to physically cherish.

Many of you are freshly grieving the death of someone you love, too, or soothing your heart after being triggered into revisiting a not-so-new loss.

Either way, I’m here to gently remind you – as I daily remind myself – that it is okay to have our moments of teary reflection and to be tender with ourselves.

If you’re a person of faith like me, you can remind yourself that even Jesus wept upon his beloved friend Lazarus’ death – and He knew he could (and would) raise Lazarus from the dead.

If you are seeking other ways to process your loss, there are multiple resources available to you, from books like this one, to grief coaches and professional therapists to music and meditation. Follow your heart as you find your way.

My season of abundant self-care and self-reflection has required me to be patient with me.

I still owe some beloved friends thank you notes for the beautiful ways you reached out to me in April, right after my most recent loss. Forgive my faux pas and know that I am truly grateful.

Nature is my friend, and my quiet walks with God and myself have given me strength.

The friends and family who have allowed me to bend your ears, and who still hold space for my tears, without judgment, are my personal national treasures. Your gifts of presence are acts of healing.

And of course, I am writing and praying my way forward. Sometimes for me, the two are intertwined; and as I often tell the writers I mentor, the gems you pour into your journal will surprise you in the ways they serve you. Write and go with the flow.

As Marisa Renee Lee, the author of “Grief is Love” writes: The foundation of a full life after loss is love. It is choosing to continue to love your person in present tense. It is moving forward with life, bringing them with you.”

As we move forward, may we all do so in ways that we know would make our specific person – or people – proud. Perhaps because of what we’re doing, but most importantly, because of who we are still becoming.

Memoir “Grief is Love” by Marisa Renee Lee

A Writers’ Farewell Gathering in Savannah

This time last week, I was wrapping up a visit to Savannah, Georgia, where I had an opportunity to gather with some of my favorite people – women I’ve coached over the past 8 years through Focused Writers, an online membership community I founded to support budding authors.

Stacy Hawkins Adams and members of her Focused Writers coaching group.

I am sunsetting this version of my coaching service as I prepare to launch a new model in 2025.

Our farewell month for the group included this “girls trip” to Savannah.

We strolled River Street, dined at the famous (and delicious) Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and enjoyed a seafood boil at the beautiful home of our group member Wanda Lloyd.

Wanda invited local Gullah-Geechee storyteller (and recent TEDx Savannah speaker) Lillian Grant-Baptiste to join us for an evening of conversation about the power of oral and written stories, and their role in preserving culture and history. Lillian enthralled us with a performance of one of her works.

And I read my first draft of an inspirational nonfiction piece that I hope spoke to the women’s hearts.

Today, “writing in Savannah” (among other things) is on my To Do list, and I’ve scored a perfect pair of new readers to help me get it done.

Gullah-Geechee storyteller Lillian Grant-Baptiste

Part of that time will include penning some grateful reflections for having had an opportunity since 2015 to closely guide 30+ writers of all ages and stages through some facet of their writing journeys.

From as far as London, and from the East Coast to the West of the U.S.; from brand-new scribes to a veteran newspaper editor; from a global speaker and retired educators to a law professor and entrepreneurs, it has been my honor to mentor them through the birth and publication of their books, blogs, essays and articles; to prep them for traditional publishing opportunities and self-publishing journeys, and to advise how to market themselves and their work.

The most treasured aspect of Focused Writers has been the community of authentic care and support that we collectively built.

Our most treasured “artifact” will be the anthology the group produced – On Womanhood: Connecting and Thriving in Every Season.

My pivot from hosting the group in its current membership format means new and exciting things are on the horizon. (Updates will be shared first with my newsletter subscribers. DM your email address to be added.)

However that unfolds next year, my mutual respect and care for these amazing alums, and others from the Focused Writers community, will endure!

Don’t Give Up On You

I had an interesting conversation a while ago with a friend about what mid-life holds. Is it a juncture at which you look back on opportunities missed, hopes dashed, dreams deferred and resign yourself to whatever may come?

Or, do you see yourself at 40-, 50- or 60-something (and beyond) on the verge of new opportunities, just waiting to be seized?

Your perspective, and the actions you take as a result, make all the difference.

Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote the first novel in her Little House on the Prairie series when she was 65. 

One of my mentors sought and obtained her master’s degree in her early 70s. 

I read an article recently about Etta Baker, a mother of nine who recorded her first album appearance as a blues guitarist in her 40s and went on to perform with musical greats well into her late 80s. 

More examples abound.

So what chapters are you continuing to craft for the story of your life?

It’s not over until you decide to stop reaching, seeking, growing and pursuing. If you dream it and put some strategic thought, muscle and focus behind it, you can do it.

Don’t give up on you.

We are Pearls in Progress -Watercolored & Worthy

As April, which is also National Poetry Month, comes to a close, I invite you to enjoy this poem I penned a decade ago. It is based on the themes in my third novel, Watercolored Pearls — a longstanding reader favorite.

I hope this piece inspires you to embrace your worth as a “pearl in progress” and to pick up a pen and try writing a poem yourself! Whether it be for personal enjoyment, healing through creativity, or for public impact, just do it.

You may amaze, inspire and encourage yourself. For we all have something to say, and we’re all worth being seen, heard and valued.

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Embrace Your Life’s Shifts

As we enter April, consider reflecting on your first 90 days of this year and give thanks for your life’s shifts – especially those that are helping you become a better version of yourself. 

Just as winter shifts to spring in stages (more cold days before warmer ones consistently take hold); 

and babies do practice runs (more wobbling before finally walking and toddling); 

and tides cross a shore at their own pace (gently rolling onto a beach one wave at a time), 

our human shifts are often gradual, and sometimes formidable. Yet if you look closely, you’ll also find that they are meaningfully worth it.

Consider how this process has unfolded (or is unfolding) in various areas of your life.

Give yourself kudos for not giving up, and for being further along than you thought possible. If necessary, challenge yourself to get up, get unstuck and grow. 

Your future self will thank you.

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This Week’s Self-Challenge

It’s another day and another week to give it all you got, and the invitation this week is perhaps both simple and challenging, depending on your perspective:

Authentically you, fabulosity and all.

Just show up as you.

Authentically you, flaws and all.

Just you — loving, loved and worthy of more.

Just show up as you…

and you’re already winning.

How My Other Passion Reinforces the Power of One

One of my intentions this year is to bring my whole self to every role I embody, because all of Stacy shows up as the fiction writer, the nonfiction inspirational writer, the strategic communications professional, the mom, sister, auntie, friend and community volunteer.

With that in mind, while I will primarily continue to post in this space about my inspirational musings, my novel-in-progress and other author-related news, I’ll also be sharing occasionally about another endeavor that’s close to my heart: an opportunity to advocate for children and foster communications for a greater good.

I’m excited to share that I have joined the global nonprofit organization Children International (aka CI) as the Global Director of External Communications.

(To those who’ve inquired, yes – I’ll still be based in and involved in the Richmond, Virginia community, and I will continue my creative writing and occasional writer coaching.)

Here’s to those of us who are multi-passionate! Writing remains my foundation, and I’m grateful for this and other opportunities to evolve, grow and experience where it leads.

Traveling to Colombia with Colleagues

My most recent adventure led me to Colombia. It is one of 10 countries (including the U.S.), where Children International is serving youths and young adults who exist in dire poverty and need hope to believe their lives can get better, along with tangible help to make it so. Eight colleagues and I traveled there from the U.S. in mid-February, to meet with some of those we serve and with our Colombian counterparts who are leading operations.

Since words won’t suffice, I hope the few images I’ve shared here (plus more you can find on my Facebook page), convey in some small way, the mutual joy felt by all of us to connect as members of the CI family.

These young people repeatedly offered thanks for consistent educational support, access to health care, life skills exposure, and positive role models who pour into them, when the lure of gangs, giving up on life, and other ills threaten to pull them off track.

They expressed how much it has meant to exchange letters with people who have sponsored them with monthly contributions since ages 3, 4 or 5.

They described how the opportunity to receive Children International scholarships that fund job training has allowed them to dream.

Before we departed, one of the teenagers thanked us for our work by declaring: “You are a grain of sand that helps us have better lives.”

I left their presence knowing they are more than their circumstances. They are eager to learn, grow and be the first generation to help their families thrive.

On one of our final nights dining together as a team, a Colombian CI colleague took us to La Cueva, a restaurant famous for serving as home base for the city of Barranquilla’s renowned journalists, authors and artists. Unbeknownst to her, one of the waiters for the night — a 20-something aspiring writer — had once been a sponsored child through Children International. When he saw the organization’s name on our group reservation, he proudly introduced himself as an alum.

Seeing him working in an esteemed establishment while continuing school and nurturing his creative goals made our collective day. It was a welcome reminder that our choices to go the distance with others can give them breathing space to find their way.

I left Colombia all the more convinced that it takes just one person to impact a life. By changing the narrative for one, we are rewriting the story for many.

To learn more about Children International, visit children.org.

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Be good to yourself

I’ve been on a staycation this week and just a few days in, I feel like a new woman.

I’ve cleaned my fridge, and filled bags of clothes and other stuff to take to Goodwill and to a local church’s clothes closet.

I’ve hooked up a new computer (on my own), although my son chatted with me during the process, in case I needed tech support. Lol

I’ve fielded calls from my daughter, the bride-to-be, who is on the countdown to April.

I’ve chatted with a few friends daily and lunched with two.

I’ve turned down a brief road trip and a complimentary flight. Why?? To simply rest.

Which leads me to what has been the most meaningful part of this week so far:  allowing myself to sleep until my heart’s content and move at a “whenever I get to it” pace. (Today is my busy day for the week. I’ve scheduled a few appointments and virtual meetings, and if I owe you an email, it’s coming!)

My fellow author Saundra Dalton Smith, who penned the bestselling book Sacred Rest, would be proud.

Because rest is indeed sacred, and it opens up our well and our energy for creativity, deeper engagement with others, better appreciation for our blessed surroundings, and greater willingness to see and serve ourselves. (When our wells are full; we can healthily pour into others.) 

I haven’t paused this week because I’m ill(I feel great!); I’ve intentionally paused to ensure that my pace for 2024 remains measured and meaningful. 

I’ve paused to ensure that I center myself in being fully present and focused on enjoying the days, weeks and months to come.

This “rule of rest” for the week felt uncomfortable at first (those waiting-but-not-urgent emails and chapters to write taunted me), but as I’ve leaned into the leisure, I’m certain it’s preparing me to dive more joyfully and energetically into my storytelling projects and other professional endeavors, my volunteer activities, family milestone moments, looming travel, and much more. 

I’ve shared this, in part, as an invitation to join me. If your January was busier than expected, consider making time in February for your own sacred pause.

You may not be able to devote a week, but gift yourself a day (or a few) to lean into sleep – as much as your body craves – and enjoy some good food, laughter, and pampering yourself in simple ways that matter to you.

You are worth it. And so are the dreams, goals, work, relationships and legacy you are nurturing. Trust the timing of your life, and in the process, your preparation and strategic rest, will align. 

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Keep Seeking Joy

I recently came across a photo of myself that was taken during my senior year of college and I’ve kept it on my nightstand for an occasional chuckle. 

Yes, my pants are too big ( I was really petite back then and did my best! 😂) and yes, I remember where I was – in a friend’s dorm room, enjoying a surprise party thrown for me. 

I look like I’m singing because I was. But can I really sing? Sadly not. I had fun trying, though, with whatever song was playing at the time.

I look like I was acting silly because I was. And guess what? 

Beneath my sometimes reserved, often inspirational and occasionally feisty demeanor lies a woman who is still fun at heart and able to laugh at myself and with others.

I was 21 in this pic and considered grown.

What I’d tell that young girl from my now full-fledged adult state is actually what I exemplify in this photo: to always find joy in the small moments and sing (and dance) through the rest. 

That girl didn’t always get it right and neither do I; but both versions of me have been, and remain, grateful for love, laughter, grace, life lessons and the journey itself – gifts that never age or go out of style. 

This week, I challenge you to dig up a few of your own funny pics from the past and reflect on your treasured (or silly) moments from yesterday. May you be inspired to embrace new dreams, cut yourself and others some slack, and create more meaningful memories.

Stacy during her senior year of college.

Final Friday in 2023…Why This Is Our Time

TGIF! On this final Friday in 2023, I give thanks for a year that has been full of so many moments of wonder, wow God, self-reflection, self-love, acceptance of others, joy, tears, surrender and soaring. 

In the words of the great Maya Angelou, I “wouldn’t take nothing for my journey!

I am grateful for what has been and I’m excited about what’s to come. 

Oooh the stories I am stirring to share (in writing and otherwise)! Stay tuned. 😊

What have been your moments of wonder, wow God, self-reflection, self-love, acceptance of others, joy, tears, surrender and soaring?

Join me in reflecting and giving thanks.

Celebrate what has been and welcome new horizons.

This is our time. 

May we all elevate our visions, throw our shoulders back, and greet the purpose and opportunities before us with open arms, a can-do attitude, and a smile. 

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