Tag: parenting tips

Here’s Why You’re a Super Hero, Too

I wasn’t planning to share this on social, because it was such a special moment between my son and me.

However, in the past few weeks I’ve had conversations with several other moms who are in the trenches of parenting, and chatting with them reminded me that sometimes when you’re in the middle of a thing, you can’t envision the difference your commitment is making.

These conversations also reminded me that when I was raising young children and then adolescents, there were moms ahead of me on the journey who encouraged me to keep pouring and loving and correcting and guiding, and to trust that the seeds being planted and the care being rendered were a worthy investment.

It is with this in mind (and with his permission) that I share this sweet note that my 22-year-old son surprised me with back in August, upon finding an old English paper amid his belongings before he returned to college for senior year.

It reads “You are my super hero!” and the note explains that he had described me as such in a paper written during his sophomore year.

In the paper, he explored how super heroes often steal away to transform into their “super selves” and change the world for the better. In my case, he indicated that my super power was writing.

He detailed how, as a young child, he often watched me focus on completing my manuscripts on some weekends and some evenings, and rather feeling resentful, witnessing me fulfill a dream that would give hope and enjoyment to others made him proud.

What a gift that note and the recently found essay were to my mama soul!

And what a powerful reminder that our babies are watching us, and in doing so, learning how to write their own super hero stories.

So, to my friends who are in the hands-on stages of parenting: Don’t let weariness cause you to give up or despair. Trust that just as your efforts to nurture your children and guide their dreams is a gift to them, so is your persistence in leaning into your own heart songs and life’s calling.

You are their super hero, and someday I’m confident that in their own ways, they’ll tell you.

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A Balanced Mom = Balanced Kids

By Stacy Hawkins Adams

Here’s a resolution most parents should consider making a habit: practicing self-care, and viewing it as a gift to their families.

Many  — in particular moms, and especially those of young children — tend to feel guilty if they take time away from their sons or daughters to focus on themselves. However, research and anecdotal evidence show that when parents are fulfilled and balanced, that contentment permeates their lives, including their interactions with their families.

So while they may have taken time away to pursue a career endeavor, hobby or some social time, for example, if they return invigorated or restored, that joy adds to the quality of time with their beloved youngsters.

With this in mind, I encourage my fellow parents to take off your superwoman or superman capes in 2017, and neatly fold and tuck them away for special occasions.

Because day to day, the person you are is the person your kids will emulate.

If your goal is for them to honor and value themselves while treating others kindly and generously, you must remember their best and first teacher is you.

Taking some “you time” gives your children a chance to watch you thrive at something you enjoy or that simply makes you smile, and it gives them a road map for how to someday support the goals and interests that are important to anyone they value.

During this resolution season, consider finding a few minutes of quiet time to reflect on what you most enjoyed “BP” — my newly coined phrase for “Before Parenting.”

If it’s helpful, write a list of five or 10 things you once considered fun or meaningful, but put on the back burner.

Depending on the season of parenting you’re in, you may or may not have time or interest in revisiting the things that once held your attention, but even if your list feels dated, it can serve as a reminder of who you are and what gives you energy.

Simplicity usually yields success, and here are some suggestions:

  • Commit to getting more exercise, whether that means joining a gym that has a kid-friendly playroom or finding a neighborhood walking or running partner with whom you can forge a friendship and fitness accountability.
  • Check in regularly with your friends by phone to stay abreast of their lives, or invite them over for dinner or a game night, and allow their kids to come. It’s great for your young children to see Mom and Dad have “play dates” or for your older ones to see you enjoying life beyond parenting.
  • Trade babysitting with a trusted friend or relative, and use your free time to visit your favorite bookstore for a few hours, go to a movie or hang out at your favorite coffee shop or eatery.
  • Informally pick a parenting mentor (or two) a few years ahead of you, who can help you navigate decisions and ease your worries during certain developmental stages. If you know that middle school is an awkward time for most kids and how that plays out for each gender, for example, you may assess your child’s behavior from a calmer place.
  • Try something new, and don’t be afraid to let your kids see you struggle or fail. Show them the right way to handle new opportunities or to withstand their own challenges by managing yours with grace, maturity and responsibility.

Commit to being the best version of yourself possible, and watch yourself and your children blossom as a result.

Editor’s Note: A variation of this post first appeared in Stacy’s Richmond Times-Dispatch parenting column, Life Notes, in January 2017.