Tag: grief and loss

Why Grief is Love

A friend invited me to dinner on Juneteenth a few weeks ago, and when I crossed her threshold, she placed a book in my hand that touched my heart.

The title alone – Grief is Love – met me in the season I’m currently walking through and made me smile with gratitude. I share this book with you today, because while my losses are fresh and still sitting with me as I carve out a new normal, I know that I’m not alone on this challenging yet sacred journey.

Having lost my two eldest siblings in less than two years, and both around significant seasons, has led me into a season of giving myself extra grace.

Some of you may recall that my only brother passed away a few days before Christmas in December 2022. My eldest sister graduated to Heaven less than 90 days ago, three days after my daughter’s wedding, while still in town for the festivities.

And while my ache from the passing of my sister Pat eight years ago is no longer fresh, as my first sibling to enter Heaven, she’s also top of mind these days. I am the youngest of five, with one living sibling to physically cherish.

Many of you are freshly grieving the death of someone you love, too, or soothing your heart after being triggered into revisiting a not-so-new loss.

Either way, I’m here to gently remind you – as I daily remind myself – that it is okay to have our moments of teary reflection and to be tender with ourselves.

If you’re a person of faith like me, you can remind yourself that even Jesus wept upon his beloved friend Lazarus’ death – and He knew he could (and would) raise Lazarus from the dead.

If you are seeking other ways to process your loss, there are multiple resources available to you, from books like this one, to grief coaches and professional therapists to music and meditation. Follow your heart as you find your way.

My season of abundant self-care and self-reflection has required me to be patient with me.

I still owe some beloved friends thank you notes for the beautiful ways you reached out to me in April, right after my most recent loss. Forgive my faux pas and know that I am truly grateful.

Nature is my friend, and my quiet walks with God and myself have given me strength.

The friends and family who have allowed me to bend your ears, and who still hold space for my tears, without judgment, are my personal national treasures. Your gifts of presence are acts of healing.

And of course, I am writing and praying my way forward. Sometimes for me, the two are intertwined; and as I often tell the writers I mentor, the gems you pour into your journal will surprise you in the ways they serve you. Write and go with the flow.

As Marisa Renee Lee, the author of “Grief is Love” writes: The foundation of a full life after loss is love. It is choosing to continue to love your person in present tense. It is moving forward with life, bringing them with you.”

As we move forward, may we all do so in ways that we know would make our specific person – or people – proud. Perhaps because of what we’re doing, but most importantly, because of who we are still becoming.

Memoir “Grief is Love” by Marisa Renee Lee

What Loss Can Teach Us About Living

Someone I care about entered hospice a few days ago, beginning a process that is both dignity-rendering, yet leaking with sadness.

Only our Creator knows the exact time left, but this person would want no pity, and if possible, would be cracking jokes and setting you straight on your attitude and actions at every turn, with declarations that life is to be enjoyed and celebrated.

With that in mind, I issue this Wednesday Wisdom to:

Love on yourself more, just because. 

Tell others what they mean to you while you can (I have and I regularly do).

Cry when you feel like it.

Laugh every chance you get.

Forget about yesterday’s grudges. 

Love those who love you back.

Be kind to those whose rudeness often means they need more kindness.

Challenge yourself to leave everyone better than you found them – with what you say and what you don’t; by how you share and where you set boundaries; and by giving with no expectation of receiving.

Let your heart break. The only way through grief is through. 

Say Thank You for everything – because every breath, every day, and every person who crosses your path is in some way a gift.

Love Endures In Times of Loss

I’m what you call a rider. Not perfect by any means, but striving always to help those in my circle through thick and thin. 

When you win, I’m celebrating the victory with you. When you suffer a loss, I’m holding your hand through the grief, even if only virtually.

It’s just Wednesday, and the losses are heavy this week in my family of friends, and (not that it really matters) none so far are COVID-related.

A loss is a loss. A life cut short cuts deep for those left behind to live with the void. 

And in these times when we can’t drop by to sit and pray, to share a dish and kind word, or even attend a funeral or memorial service (except through livestream), many are feeling anchorless, and baffled about how to support others or find closure themselves. 

What I’ve been leaning into is the truth of the only thing that endures: love. It is a river and a language and a bond that flows and speaks and connects us in ways we often don’t understand or can’t articulate.

Love leaves an imprint on our lives and in our hearts that, after a loss, grows into a powerful legacy. 

When all else fails and nothing makes sense, we must hold onto the reality that love is the answer. 

We must use our words to tell the hurting we love them, for words can be a healing force. That declaration can be followed by whatever acts of kindness we can muster in quarantine, whether a consistent text or call or sending a card, flowers or gift card, or adding the grief-stricken to our prayer list, or sitting on the phone and letting them talk. 

As we go back to basics in so many ways during this pandemic, choose to make love your basic foundation, or increase its strength if it already is.

 When you love yourself more, you’ll have a full well from which to give.

When you love others more, you’re helping fill their depleted tanks and shoring them up until they can stand again.

This week, I’m covering my dear friends grappling with deep loss in love and more love. 

️And because love is neverending, I’ve got enough overflow to share with you, too.

Whatever you are facing today, know that I love you.

Lean on those closest to you and tell them if you need help. Focus on what is before you in this minute or this hour and just breathe. Trust God. And know that light eventually follows darkness. Always.