Be the bigger person, no matter the curveballs tossed your way.
Embrace a glass-half-full attitude and
Find silver linings in the surprises along your path.
Whatever the audience, show up in a way that honors who you are.
Speak truth with grace and let the rest take care of itself.
Keep your eyes on the prize (your singular and beautiful purpose)
And continue to take the world by storm
With your own unique brand of hope, laughter and love –
The greatest of these being Love.
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You are the keeper and magnifier of your dreams; yet those who walk with you matter, too.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you, encourage you and speak the truth – even when it equals tough love.
May those who walk in front of you pull you along when necessary and those who walk behind you gently push – whatever it takes to help you keep going, stay focused and achieve your goals with your integrity, confidence, joy and soul intact.
This is how you grow and thrive, and ultimately how you learn to invest in something bigger than yourself.
Blessings are circular and connected.
All of us who succeed do so because of others’ loving support.
A friend invited me to dinner on Juneteenth a few weeks ago, and when I crossed her threshold, she placed a book in my hand that touched my heart.
The title alone – Grief is Love – met me in the season I’m currently walking through and made me smile with gratitude. I share this book with you today, because while my losses are fresh and still sitting with me as I carve out a new normal, I know that I’m not alone on this challenging yet sacred journey.
Having lost my two eldest siblings in less than two years, and both around significant seasons, has led me into a season of giving myself extra grace.
Some of you may recall that my only brother passed away a few days before Christmas in December 2022. My eldest sister graduated to Heaven less than 90 days ago, three days after my daughter’s wedding, while still in town for the festivities.
And while my ache from the passing of my sister Pat eight years ago is no longer fresh, as my first sibling to enter Heaven, she’s also top of mind these days. I am the youngest of five, with one living sibling to physically cherish.
Many of you are freshly grieving the death of someone you love, too, or soothing your heart after being triggered into revisiting a not-so-new loss.
Either way, I’m here to gently remind you – as I daily remind myself – that it is okay to have our moments of teary reflection and to be tender with ourselves.
If you’re a person of faith like me, you can remind yourself that even Jesus wept upon his beloved friend Lazarus’ death – and He knew he could (and would) raise Lazarus from the dead.
If you are seeking other ways to process your loss, there are multiple resources available to you, from books like this one, to grief coaches and professional therapists to music and meditation. Follow your heart as you find your way.
My season of abundant self-care and self-reflection has required me to be patient with me.
I still owe some beloved friends thank you notes for the beautiful ways you reached out to me in April, right after my most recent loss. Forgive my faux pas and know that I am truly grateful.
Nature is my friend, and my quiet walks with God and myself have given me strength.
The friends and family who have allowed me to bend your ears, and who still hold space for my tears, without judgment, are my personal national treasures. Your gifts of presence are acts of healing.
And of course, I am writing and praying my way forward. Sometimes for me, the two are intertwined; and as I often tell the writers I mentor, the gems you pour into your journal will surprise you in the ways they serve you. Write and go with the flow.
As Marisa Renee Lee, the author of “Grief is Love” writes: The foundation of a full life after loss is love. It is choosing to continue to love your person in present tense. It is moving forward with life, bringing them with you.”
As we move forward, may we all do so in ways that we know would make our specific person – or people – proud. Perhaps because of what we’re doing, but most importantly, because of who we are still becoming.
This time last week, I was wrapping up a visit to Savannah, Georgia, where I had an opportunity to gather with some of my favorite people – women I’ve coached over the past 8 years through Focused Writers, an online membership community I founded to support budding authors.
Stacy Hawkins Adams and members of her Focused Writers coaching group.
I am sunsetting this version of my coaching service as I prepare to launch a new model in 2025.
Our farewell month for the group included this “girls trip” to Savannah.
We strolled River Street, dined at the famous (and delicious) Mrs. Wilkes’ Dining Room and enjoyed a seafood boil at the beautiful home of our group member Wanda Lloyd.
Wanda invited local Gullah-Geechee storyteller (and recent TEDx Savannah speaker) Lillian Grant-Baptiste to join us for an evening of conversation about the power of oral and written stories, and their role in preserving culture and history. Lillian enthralled us with a performance of one of her works.
And I read my first draft of an inspirational nonfiction piece that I hope spoke to the women’s hearts.
Today, “writing in Savannah” (among other things) is on my To Do list, and I’ve scored a perfect pair of new readers to help me get it done.
Gullah-Geechee storyteller Lillian Grant-Baptiste
Part of that time will include penning some grateful reflections for having had an opportunity since 2015 to closely guide 30+ writers of all ages and stages through some facet of their writing journeys.
From as far as London, and from the East Coast to the West of the U.S.; from brand-new scribes to a veteran newspaper editor; from a global speaker and retired educators to a law professor and entrepreneurs, it has been my honor to mentor them through the birth and publication of their books, blogs, essays and articles; to prep them for traditional publishing opportunities and self-publishing journeys, and to advise how to market themselves and their work.
The most treasured aspect of Focused Writers has been the community of authentic care and support that we collectively built.
My pivot from hosting the group in its current membership format means new and exciting things are on the horizon. (Updates will be shared first with my newsletter subscribers. DM your email address to be added.)
However that unfolds next year, my mutual respect and care for these amazing alums, and others from the Focused Writers community, will endure!
I had an interesting conversation a while ago with a friend about what mid-life holds. Is it a juncture at which you look back on opportunities missed, hopes dashed, dreams deferred and resign yourself to whatever may come?
Or, do you see yourself at 40-, 50- or 60-something (and beyond) on the verge of new opportunities, just waiting to be seized?
Your perspective, and the actions you take as a result, make all the difference.
Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote the first novel in her Little House on the Prairie series when she was 65.
One of my mentors sought and obtained her master’s degree in her early 70s.
I read an article recently about Etta Baker, a mother of nine who recorded her first album appearance as a blues guitarist in her 40s and went on to perform with musical greats well into her late 80s.
More examples abound.
So what chapters are you continuing to craft for the story of your life?
It’s not over until you decide to stop reaching, seeking, growing and pursuing. If you dream it and put some strategic thought, muscle and focus behind it, you can do it.
As April, which is also National Poetry Month, comes to a close, I invite you to enjoy this poem I penned a decade ago. It is based on the themes in my third novel, Watercolored Pearls — a longstanding reader favorite.
I hope this piece inspires you to embrace your worth as a “pearl in progress” and to pick up a pen and try writing a poem yourself! Whether it be for personal enjoyment, healing through creativity, or for public impact, just do it.
You may amaze, inspire and encourage yourself. For we all have something to say, and we’re all worth being seen, heard and valued.
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As we enter April, consider reflecting on your first 90 days of this year and give thanks for your life’s shifts – especially those that are helping you become a better version of yourself.
Just as winter shifts to spring in stages (more cold days before warmer ones consistently take hold);
and babies do practice runs (more wobbling before finally walking and toddling);
and tides cross a shore at their own pace (gently rolling onto a beach one wave at a time),
our human shifts are often gradual, and sometimes formidable. Yet if you look closely, you’ll also find that they are meaningfully worth it.
Consider how this process has unfolded (or is unfolding) in various areas of your life.
Give yourself kudos for not giving up, and for being further along than you thought possible. If necessary, challenge yourself to get up, get unstuck and grow.
Your future self will thank you.
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It’s another day and another week to give it all you got, and the invitation this week is perhaps both simple and challenging, depending on your perspective:
Now that we’ve entered March and spring is on the horizon, why not take time to refocus, refresh and remind yourself that while you are enough as-is, your goals and dreams are worth still nurturing.
If you’ve forgotten or abandoned the resolutions you made 90 days ago, why not take this week to get back on track? Because you are worth it, and the effort you’ll exert is certain to cost less than the regret that may otherwise envelop you.
You can start over with a clean slate, for that’s the beauty of each new day. It comes with a fresh opportunity to hope anew and climb a bit higher.
In the process of trusting your process, your lessons, blessings and other experiences will teach you what you need to know when you arrive. Your job? To pay attention and press forward along the route to destiny.
As you lean in and embrace discipline, decide to appreciate the unfolding of your life’s story, as much as your circumstances will allow. Create space for moments and miracles that can transform you, and allow them to do just that.
Still Unfolding with Stacy Hawkins Adams 